i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
