she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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