i think my tv is drunk
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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