Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
