Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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