He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
