Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
