I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize