Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize