I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I could fuck to npr.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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