new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
