The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
