I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize