Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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