you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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