I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
