I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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