What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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