Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize