she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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