You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
