You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
