we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
