Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
