i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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