Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
