The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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