i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You don't make any sense
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