Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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