I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Too much gin, very little bucket
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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