so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
