Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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