I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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