Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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