yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
