we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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