Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
