Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
