Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That's intense
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
