I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
