I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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