oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
we should paint friendship bongs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
