But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
