i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
high people should be assigned attendants
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
