Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
