Nicole vs. Life
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
