you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
