six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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