So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
