Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
