I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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