about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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