dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hippo gnu deer
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
