So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you never un-have a 4some
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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