new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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