Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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