I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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