i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
