There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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