You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
