I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
