Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
