ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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