Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize