The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
