sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
