Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
