It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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