I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
