You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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