fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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